The Maze Runner: Letters To Newt
by LouLou2123
Summary: The story begins the day after the Gladers reach Paradise, the place they have always dreamed of going. Minho begins writing letters to Newt, knowing that he'll never read them, but keeping them close to his heart, anyways. Uncover the future of the Glader's new developing home through the eyes of Minho as you read the heart-clenching letters from Minho, to Newt.
1. Letter 1

Dear Newt,

We made it to Paradise. Or, at least that's what all these shanks have been calling it. It doesn't seem quite like my vision of "paradise" yet. My version had you in it, for one. But, as Chuck would say it, it's better than living in a pile of klunk. Chuck...shuck it. I really miss that kid. I really miss you.

It was so hard to get to Paradise. So many people died along the way. Teresa died. A piece of the shuck wall fell and pinned the girl to the ground right before we went through the portal to Paradise. Thomas is a wreck about. Heck, Thomas is a wreck all together. But, then again, so am I.

I wish I knew where you were, dude. As much as I hate to think t, you're probably still at that crank place. I try not to make myself wonder whether you're completely jacked up yet. I'm hoping you'll remember me even when you are. You're probably already a shuckin' psycho. I've never told you this before, and don't take it the wrong way, but I love ya, dude. I really love and miss you.

-Minho


	2. Letter 2

Dear Newt,

Thomas has been acting...weird. He's quiet. I haven't seen him engage in much conversation. The shuck-face never meets my gaze. It's like something's eating his shuck insides up, slowly and painfully. He just isn't the same, and it hurts. It hurts bad, man.

Somehow, Thomas and I ended up in the position of the leaders of Paradise. I don't know how that's gonna turn out. We're both kinda weak right now. But, I think I would be even more stressed if some shuck-faced shank was in charge. So, I guess this is a good thing.

Sometimes, I think about what would have happened if I wasn't immune. I think of the good things that could've happened. You and I would still be together. I wouldn't have to worry as much, 'cause I'd be crazy in the shuck head already. Maybe Thomas wouldn't be immune, either. Then the trio of shanks would still be together.

Oh well, right?

-Minho


	3. Letter 3

Dear Newt,

I decided to start building a house for myself. Thomas wants to share the house. I was against the idea of living together at first, but I told him he could. I guess I should be okay with it; he is one of the only ones helping to build it. Most of our rescued immunes are sitting around on their shuck butts, still getting over the trauma. Shanks.

Yesterday, I was walking around, trying to clear my mind. There were Gladers and other immunes walking around, probably for the same reason as me. I was almost to the edge of a forest - it's a lot like ours back at the Glade - when I saw this boy, no older than 14 or 15. I wasn't think right. I wasn't! I thought he was Chuck, Newt. I yelled his name and walked over. When I got about five feet away, I stopped. It wasn't Chuck.

"I'm Sam. Not Chuck. Ummm...sorry..." He said to me. Like everything was okay. Nothing is okay, Newt! Nothing! I can just imagine how my face looked.

I collapsed, then. I collapsed to the ground and I started crying. I cried more than I've ever cried before. I just lay there, bawling my eyes out. Sobs kept escaping my throat, and eventually I stopped trying to hold anything back. That poor Sam kid just sat there watching me sob like a shuck baby.

I haven't seen the kid since, and I don't know what I'll do when we do meet again. He brings back to many shuck memories. But, those memories up till now are the only things that I remember. They're the only things I'll never forget.

Hope you're less depressed than me right now, dude. I really hope so.

-Minho


	4. Letter 4

Dear Newt,

Everybody knows what happened yesterday. Seriously. By everybody, I mean shuckin' everybody. Nobody will make eye contact with me. When someone _does_ talk to me, it's really quick. It's making me angry as klunk! They'll get over it fast. I won't give them much choice. I just got to slim it nice and calm till then. I can't have another dang outburst.

This morning I decided to go running. I haven't gone running to explore and search since back in the Glade. We've always been running _away _from something. Or _to _something. Bu not just to explore.

Anyway, it's beautiful. The trees were so green and the grass grew everywhere, not just in some places. I don't think I've ever seen something so amazing. Man, if I call it 'beautiful,' than you know it is. I do't use that shuck word much. I've never had much of a reason to.

One of the best parts of this forest is how big it is. I ran for miles and miles. I'm not sure exactly how far, but it's really big, dude. I'm going to go again tomorrow morning. I can't sleep at night, anyway. Might as well fill my time up with something.

Miss ya a lot, ya shuck-faced shank.

-Minho


	5. Letter 5

Newt,

My house is slowly getting up. We've been making it out of the wood from the trees. That's what most of the things here are made of. We don't get bricks shipped here like we did in the Glade.

Sometimes, I wish we could go back to the Glade. Be with all the Gladers again, live like we did back in the good old days. The good old days that we all thought were miserable. That was when all we really had to worry about was the grievers. I have to say, though, I don't miss those shuckin' scary monsters. They gave me the heebie-jeebies! Almost as much as the buggin' cranks do.

You're one of those cranks now...

I finally understand what you were feeling when Alby died. Heartbroken. Like you could've - no _should have _- done something more.

When you think about it, you and Alby left us in a similar way: sacrifice. Alby sacrificed himself to the shuck grievers, because he knew that might keep the rest of us Gladers safe. You sacrificed our friendship and your safety to keep Thomas and I from seeing you going crazy. To keep us _happy. _But, ya know, dude, neither of those "sacrifices" worked. Do I seem _happy _to you? I feel like klunk. You're probably psycho. And, if you showed up here right now, I would probably start crying with happiness. Our friendship wouldn't be ruined. Naw. I don't see your shuck sacrifice as a success.

I just wish you were here.

-Minho


	6. Letter 6

Newt,

We're going hungry. There's only so much food that we had with us when we got here. We put Frypan in charge the food. Everybody's been getting a small portion every shuck day. But, it's been six days now since we arrived in Paradise, and that food is running out. We don't know what to do. Food has always been one of the last buggin' things we had to worry about. Not now. We have enough for one more day. Then, I...I guess I don't shuckin' know. We're supposed to be safe, now. Why is the future still just a dangerous, unknown oblivion?

Shuck it.

Shuck it, shuck it, _SHUCK IT! _

Thomas and I are going out tomorrow to see if we can find anything to eat. I have no idea what we're expecting to find, but everyone's counting on us to try, so we don't really have a choice. We've gotta give these immunes _some _shuck hope.

At least this gives me an excuse to go back out to the forest to run.

I've been able to find a little bit of fun in this buggin' misery. None of these immunes are catching on to our Glader slang - shuck-faces - so I take every chance I get to confuse them. I can say something to them and they'll be almost as confused as we were with the buggin' memory loss! They just nod like they get it, but you have to Isaac Newton to see through it.

Isaac Newton.

Who you were named after.

Isaac Newton is dead, but still in memory. You're sanity is gone, but you're shucked up face definitely isn't going to be leaving my memory.

Funny how that works, huh?

-Minho


	7. Letter 7

Newt,

I found something amazing today in the forest. After about two hours of running together and finding no food, Thomas and I decided to split up and search. I got to this place in the woods where the trees were so buggin' dense. I almost turned around, but I'm glad I didn't.

I found fruit trees. Real, colorful, shuck amazing fruit trees! I don't know what exactly it is hanging on them, but I really hope it's not poisonous. 'Cause I ate a lot of it.

I think they might be orange. I'm not positive, so don't quote me on it. They taste so sweet. They're full of juice. It doesn't taste quite like the orange juice we had at the Glade. It's _so _much better!

Right now, I'm sitting in the middle of the forest, willing myself to keep from eating the few oranges I took in my bag. I've got to save them to show everyone else.

Maybe, if I keep searching hard enough, there'll be more trees, with more fruits. Do kiwis grow on trees? Those have always sounded good.

You would love it here, Newt. It would be a dream come true. You and I always did dream about making it some place safe. I made it. Thomas made it. Frypan and some of the other Gladers made it. The thing that's missing from it all is _you_. I don't really have a buggin' choice there, though I hope you're happy.

Of course you're not happy, you buggin' crank.

I'll try to save an orange for you.

-Minho


	8. Letter 8

Newt,

I usually don't write twice in one day. But todays different.

Thomas didn't come back, Newt. It's getting late and he's not here. I know I shouldn't be worrying so shuck much - it's not like there's walls here that'll close like in the Glade - but what do you really expect? I've come to expect the worst.

I sent a search team out for him, but I want to go find Thomas myself. I don't trust these shanks enough.

I can't take it, dude. Thomas is the only one I've really got here, even if he is the shuckiest shuck-faced shuck there ever was. I can't lose him.

I can't.

-Minho

Hey, guys! Sorry this letter is so short, but trust me, the next letter will make the waiting worth it(I hope!). I should have the next letter up by tonight. If not, then I'll do it ASAP tomorrow. :)


	9. Letter 9

Newt,

I need you. Since the day you told us to leave, I've felt like I needed you. But, now I really do.

I wish you could come back. But you can't. You shuck can't!

I found Thomas. I gave in and went to find him, and I got my wish.

Did you tell him, Newt? Did you tell him what you did? Why you have that buggin' limp? You must've. That's the only explanation.

This didn't happen by chance.

I found Thomas at the bottom of one of the biggest trees here. Drowning in his own pool of shuck blood! He jumped out of the tree, Newt. Just like you did on the wall.

When I found him, all these memories came. By some horrible chance, they were all memories that I've longed to buggin' forget.

Alby yelling for help. You, looking just like Thomas does now. Surrounded by blood, unconscious, with your body laying in a heap. Bones bending in ways that they never shuck should.

I remembered that look on Alby's face - disgust, sorrow, and fear.

_Fear. _

Absolute, complete buggin' horror.

I know I must've looked like that when I found Thomas.

It was so hard to fight off my instant urge to collapse and puke my shuck guts out. I just ran over to him and it seemed worse and worse and worse as I got closer.

I slid his arm over my shoulder and somehow managed to stand up. I yelled for help, and my voice sounded so loud, but no one would hear me. We were too far.

Thanks a lot, Thomas.

I dragged him for what seemed like forever. That shuck-face is heavy! I kept yelling and yelling. I was desperate for help. If there was any chance that Thomas was still alive, I needed to get him help. I _can't _lose him! No one ever buggin' showed up to help!

Just like every other time we needed help. It was Alby in the maze all over again, Newt. Thomas was just in a much worse shuck condition.

I hoped I'd never have to relive that moment. Shuck it, I'd practically forgotten about it! We've gone through so much. I didn't think I'd have to worry about it again.

But you never know what the heck's going to happen.

I finally made it about half way back to our sad little village when some shank from the so-called "search team" finally heard me. The guy ran over and stood there. He just buggin' stood there! Then, sounding stupid as klunk, he says "He looks jacked up, man. What happened to him?"

You should be proud of me, Newt. I didn't freak out him like I normally would; like I shuck wanted to! I stayed calm - on the outside, at least - and got him to help me carry Thomas. It's not like he helped much; the shank is skin and bones. He can't be older than 15 or 16.

Somehow, some medical supplies had arrived in Paradise with us. Someone took care of Thomas. He was alive when we finally made it. Barely, but he was.

He tried to kill himself.

He tried to shuck leave me!

Just like you did. _Twice. _Except, you succeeded the second time. Hopefully Thomas doesn't have that shuck second.

Thomas is dyeing. I'm fading. And you're sickly crazy and gone forever.

I miss how it used to be.

_That _was the real Paradise.

-Minho


	10. Letter 10

Newt,

Thomas is doing okay. He can't move and the shank is sleeping most of the time, but he's alive. I guess you can say that's okay.

I keep blaming this on myself. I should have seen him breaking. I should've talked to him more. I shouldn't have left him in the forest.

I know it's not my fault, that there's probably nothing I could've done, but I can't help thinking. I feel like I was too self absorbed to notice anything. I was too concerned about all the klunk in my life to realize that Thomas was going through the same shuck things. If anything, I thought he would be fine. He has Brenda. That's who he usually spends his buggin' time with, anyways.

The tiny hospital was the first thing we built when we got here, so Thomas gets to rest in an actual room. It's not like he has a bed - we haven't gotten that far yet. Just a sleeping bag.

I haven't gone to talk to Thomas yet. I need to calm down first. If I go now, I'll just have an outburst. I'm too pissed at both myself and him.

Thinking isn't a very good shuck thing for me to do, I've learned. It either gives me absolute crazy buggin' ideas or makes me depressed. I know I could've helped Thomas, at least a bit, if I hadn't been so selfish and lost.

But that makes me think even more. If I had tried harder, maybe I could've saved you. _Maybe. _Don't get me wrong, dude. I don't have klunk for brains. I know I could never save you from the flar; it had already started getting you. But I could've saved you from the the rest of the cranks. You wouldn't have had too be attacked by the flare around them. You could've been around us. The shanks that would _never _hurt you or _kill_ you.

_I _could've gotten you to Paradise.

Forgive me for not forcing you along.

-Minho

Hello my beloved readers! I write these letters mainly during my math class, which helps me to pass the time. Today, I was finishing up writing this letter and, without thinking - AT ALL - I wrote the sentence about how Newt could've been with shanks that would never kill him. I finished writing it, then realized what I had done. My heart totally broke and I started to kind of break down. I had a bit of a breakdown in math today, guys. Okay, it was more than a bit. Minho still isn't aware of the fact that Thomas killed Newt and he is under the impression that neither him or Thomas would ever even consider badly hurting Newt, much less KILLING him. This totally made me break down. Sometimes, writing in math has it's disadvantages.


	11. Letter 11

Newt,

You remember that girl, Sonia, from the girls group? The one who helped Teresa kidnap Thomas?

Ya, well, when you're not trying to keep from getting killed by shuck monsters, you notice that she is _hot_! Dude, she is the most smokin' thing I have ever buggin' seen, and I seen the Earth totally scorched!

Don't worry; I'm not going to go all mushy on you. She's hot. Life sucks. That's all there is to it.

Besides, I couldn't win her over if I tried. The only times I've ever really talked to a girl was when one was trying to buggin' kill me! Or when something was trying to kill both of us. Unless you count Teresa and Brenda, my relationships with girls haven't been the shuck happiest.

Maybe I'll talk to her eventually...

I think I'm going to try to to talk to Thomas later today. I think I'm calm enough. I hope. I need to have someone to talk to. Thomas is the only one fit for that buggin' job right now, so I can't lose him.

Yesterday, I noticed this girl looking at me. She acted like she was going to come talk to me a couple times, but she never actually did.

I think she was part of the girls group, but I'm not sure. She's got long, straight blond hair and eyes that are so buggin' green. She's kind of pretty, actually.

Just not as pretty as Sonia.

I wish you could be here to go through all this with me. I wouldn't feel so much like a pile of klunk if you were.

Plus, I want you to see Sonia.

I have no decision in whether you're shuck butt is here or not, though. I might as well try to be happy, right? After all, life goes on whether you want it to or not.

-Minho


	12. Letter 12

Newt,

I talked to Thomas. I never got mad. But I cried. I shuck cried! I hate this new emotional side of me.

For the record, Thomas cried, too.

He tried to apologize and he just kept shuck saying "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry" over and over and over again!

And I accepted it. He was desperate. I told him I accepted his buggin' apology and that it was okay.

"No, it's not," he said really quietly. I told him again and he just shook his shuck head.

What was I supposed to do?

There's something more wrong with the shuck-face. I'm not stupid, dude. There's something bugging him, and it must be really serious.

Thomas wouldn't act like this for nothing.

He knows something I don't and I want to know what it buggin' is.

I'll let you know when I figure it out.

-Minho

I'm so excited for the next letter! I'm in the middle of writing it right now. Hopefully it'll be up tonight, but if not, I'll get it up as soon as I can tomorrow! I got this idea that I think is great, and hopefully you all think it's good, too, because that's what letter #13 is all about! Thanks for all your support:) You have no idea how much I appreciate it.


	13. Letter 13

Newt,

You won't believe what happened to me today!

You know that girl I was telling you about? The one with blonde hair and green eyes? She finally talked to me this morning.

I was helping some shanks sort a klunk load of oranges into portions when she came up to me.

The shuck girl scared me half to death! I'm sitting there working and she shows up right behind me out of nowhere. She might as well have been a griever she scared me so buggin' bad!

She came up and said my name really quiet. I could barely hear her. her shyness was kind of cute, though.

"I'm Beth," she said.

She had an accent like yours! That brought back great memories. Memories that I actually don't want to ever forget. Memories that I wish so bad I could relive.

She kept looking at me and it almost seemed like she was going to bow out from whatever she was trying to do and walk away. Or pass out. This chick didn't seem like the most talkative shuck person.

Finally, she talked.

"Do you, umm, know August?" I didn't know what the klunk she was talking about. I've never heard of anyone with a name anywhere _close _to August. Last I heard, that was a month, not a person.

I told her no, and sorry. I told her that I'd never heard of him. The thing is, Newt, her face totally sunk at that. I felt so bad disappointing her, I really buggin' did, but I couldn't lie. I didn't know what the shuck she was talking about!

Beth turned around and I thought she was going to leave, but then she turned back around and her face was filled with all this shuck hope. I really didn't want to let her down again.

"What about N...Newt...?" she asked. She seemed unsure at the name, but I knew it all the same. My heart started speeding. What did she want from me?

I told her ya, I do. I stuttered and had to take a deep breath before I said anything else. I hadn't engaged in much interaction with others for a while...this was a heck of a restart. I told Beth that Newt is my best friend.

But I corrected myself in my head. You _were _my best friend. You could be dead now for all I know. Killed by the flare. Or one of those shuck cranks.

Beth sure seemed happy that I knew you. She asked where you were and if you were here and she seemed so excited about it and my heart totally sank. I didn't know how this girl knew you, but she was obviously excited to see you. I was going to have to let her down again.

I told her that you weren't immne. She looked almost as sad as I felt. I don't know why, but I felt like I needed to tell her the whole shuck story of us leaving you.

I was going to have to tell her that it's my fault you're not here...

That was the first time I've retold our buggin' story. It was like the world was crushing in on me, closing up more and more as I got farther in. But I think I kept my sadness hidden. I mean, of course she knew I wasn't happy. Everyone knew I wasn't happy.

But I stayed strong. That's what we've been taught to do our whole lives.

I finished and looked at the ground. I'm sure my buggin' face was bright red. Of course I was embarassed! Dude, you can't blame me for that.

Out of nowhere, Beth steps up and hugs me.

Newt, I've told you before that I'm not good with shuck girls. What am I supposed to do when one _hugs _me?!

As awkward as it was for me already, I then realized that Beth was shuck _crying. _Crap. Crap, crap, crap!

I hugged her back, because I guess that was the best thing to. I guess? Plus, I really, really wanted to hug her back. Wow, I am dumb as klunk when it comes to girls.

Somehow, Beth smelled good. She was beautiful and smelled good. Even through all of this. I was kind of rethinking Sonia...

After a while, Beth pulled away. She mumbled sorry, but I actually didn't buggin' mind. I enjoyed it. Not her crying - I'm not a douche - but hugging her. Does it feel this amazing with all girls? No. Probably not.

Finally, I had a chance to ask the question that had been burning in my shuck head for a while: How does she know you?

Her answer totally blew my mind, Newt.

You are her _brother, _Newt. She told me her whole story, and it was amazing. It was so buggin' amazing.

Beth wasn't part of the girls group like I thought she was. She was one of our rescued immunes. She's about a year older than you. She said that when you were five, these people from WICKED took you. They said that you were smart, smarter than most kids your age. She knew that already, of course.

Beth told me that you and her were best friends before they took you. You guys were always together. Your real name is August. She said that when you were little, her and your mom and your dad would always call you Auggie.

I can imagine you as an August. It fits.

Beth told her whole story with so much enthusiasm, it was so buggin' cute. I think I like this girl, Newt. She was so happy. But her mood dropped a bit when she got to the part of them taking you.

The men showed up at your house, and you and Beth didn't know what was happening. Your mom told you to say goodbye to each other, but you knew it must have been anything but good, because she herself was crying.

Your dad had already been taken by the flare.

The men took you and left, but as they got in the car, Beth overhead things. Things about an experiment. Something about renaming you after Newton. They were going to buggin' name you Newt from the moment they took you.

Beth couldn't see you as Newt, but she didn't think she would ever see you again, anyways. Her best friend and little brother was gone forever. I wanted to buggin' cry for her now. I've never really thought about our families before now. The last person I thought we would ever meet was someone from our family.

I wonder if I still have a sister alive out there somewhere.

Beth escaped from her house about 10 years later after her mom was taken away. She had caught the shuck flare, too. Somehow, Beth survived through the cranks and now she was here.

This girl is so amazing, Newt.

Your _sister _is so amazing.

I think I'm really starting to like your buggin' sister. I hope your okay with that.

-Minho


	14. Letter 14

Newt,

Sometimes, I question why I'm writing these shuck letters. I know you're never going to read them. But, maybe...

I also question why I still half expect a portal to reappear and you to jump through it. I wonder why I still believe that everything can eventually be buggin' fine and dandy again. I wonder why I'm still here and still hanging on when everything seems so much _worse _than living in a pile of klunk.

But I know the answer to that last one. You sacrificed your safety to keep Thomas and I safer. I didn't help save those immunes just to let them screw up and die off. I didn't go through all the shuck trouble of getting here just to die.

I've got to stay alive, whether I want to or not. If I'm going to be alive, I might as well be happy, too, right? I'm going to try. I'm going to try for you and for Beth and for Thomas.

Just since yesterday, I've been getting happier. It'll get better. I know it will.

It will always hurt. It will always hurt and I know it will never buggin' feel better. But I'll be happier.

That happiness is all I ask for.

I hope you can be happy, too. Wherever you are.

-Minho


	15. Letter 15

Newt,

When we were in the maze, I always figured you and I were 17 or 18. If I was right, we'd be almost 20 right now. That's crazy, dude! If we were normal, we would be getting ready to go to college and buggin' get married and have a family and all that happy klunk. But we're not shuck normal.

By 20, most guys haven't lived in a giant maze. By 20, most guys haven't completely lost their memory. By 20, most guys haven't had their shuck lives threatened. More than once. Man, we're so much buggin' stronger than most guys. We. Are. _Awesome. _

I got to thinking about what my job would've been if we weren't stuck in this whole sad klunk of a life. I think I've narrowed the options down to one.

Newt, I wouldn't have been one of those lazy shanks that just sits at home. I would've been a buggin' male model! We all know that I've got the perfect body to do it. All those chicks dig this!

I wish that could be a reality. I really shuck do.

-Minho


	16. Letter 16

Newt,

I went for a walk in the woods today. It was real shuck pretty. Just like always. There are a lot of buggin' things like that. We're just to dang stupid to realize it.

I seen a bunch of birds. I have no idea what kind they were; I'm not an expert on shuck birds. What I do know, though, is that they are a lot better than I remembered them to be. They're so amazing when they fly, Newt. You would love them.

I was a ways into the woods when I heard footsteps behind me. I spun around, ready to buggin' beat someone. It was Beth. This girl is the master at sneaking up on people. Or scaring people. I don't know what the shuck she tries to do.

Either way, we both scared each other.

Beth's face turned bright red and I had to buggin' force myself not to laugh. She said hi in that quiet way that she always does. I asked if she was following me and she tried to convince me that she wasn't before she finally gave up and said yes, she was.

Newt, you've got a creepy buggin' stalker sister!

We got over the awkwardness soon and she joined me on my little walk. We didn't talk much. I would've happily buggin' talked; she was the one being so quiet.

We were still walking to who knows where when Beth slipped her fingers through mine. I didn't know what to do, dude! It felt good. So I stayed. I sense her smiling without even looking at her.

Not too much shuck longer after that, Beth started leading the way, like she knew where she was going, pulling me along. When I asked where she was going, all she would say was 'wait.' I didn't want to buggin' wait! That's what I've been doing since we got to the maze.

After what seemed like forever, we broke through the trees into a clearing that ended in a shuck river. It was greata, dude. I wish you could see it. I don't know how the shuck Beth found it. She must come out here a lot.

We sat by the riverbank for a while, mostly quiet. But t was nice to have buggin' calm and quiet for once.

Beth turned and looked at me and I looked at her. I don't know how it happened, but suddenly we were kissing. Her lips were soft and sweet. It was like time stopped around us and I just wanted to get buggin' closer, but I held myself back. Man, I'm getting mushy. Makes me want to puke my shuck guts out.

Seriously, though, Newt. It was so amazing. I'm having my first kiss and I'm almost 20. Wow, we're shucked up.

I think things have changed between Beth and I. We're closer. I think. Shuck it, I don't buggin' know how she feels about it!

Don't hate me for making out with your sister.

Miss you a lot, Newt.

-Minho

Sorry I haven't been updating. I've been kind of busy with school and other things. I'll try to update more often!


	17. Letter 17

Newt,

I was talking to Thomas today. I told him all about Beth. He was so surprised. He didn't know what to think about you having a sister. When I told him about our kiss, I couldn't really tell if he was happy about it or not. I'm definitely happy about it.

I guess I should mention that the shuck-face Thomas is out of our buggin' hospital. He's been doing mostly better. We both are. Or both were, I guess.

Thomas has still been acting kind of weird around me. I can definitely tell that he's buggin' happier. But something was really getting to him.

I asked him what was wrong and he kept saying 'nothing.' Newt, we both know that I am _far _from being stupid. Shuck it; WICKED chose me for their stupid-as-klunk trials because I'm smart! I knew there was something wrong with Thomas.

Out of no where, Thomas asked me if I knew why he jumped out of the buggin' tree. Ya, I know why he jumped! He was depressed and being shuck stupid! But that's not why. That's not at all buggin' why!

Thomas said that he jumped because he couldn't handle it anymore. Because he couldn't deal with what he'd done. Dang, I was confused. But that was just the beginning.

It didn't really seem like the shuck-face was actually bugging talking to me. He had this blank look on his face. It almost looked like he was ashamed. I definitely know what being ashamed looks.

He said that he jumped out of the tree because then, he could've been with you. But it didn't work like he planned.

I caught on quick. Thomas couldn't know if you were shuck dead, though. It was impossible. Impossible. I just said no. Because I didn't know what else to say.

Thomas met my eyes for the first shuck time. Newt, just the way he looked at me made me realize that there was something seriously buggin' wrong with whatever he was trying to tell me. It scared me. It scared me that Thomas hadn't told me yet and it scared me that I hadn't caught yet.

But, then again, I wasn't really sure that I wanted to shuck know.

He kept looking at me, but somehow looking somewhere else at the same time. Somewhere that I couldn't see. I knew that wherever it buggin' was, it was horrible.

"I killed him, Minho."

I stared. It was like I couldn't comprehend exactly what he was buggin' saying. The words soaked in and I almost laughed. It couldn't be true. This...this _joke _that Thomas was telling me. It's too shuck huysterical, too profound to be true.

I think I let loose some kind of short, crazy laugh.I looked at him and told him, "No. We don't know where Newt bugging is. We left him with the cranks." Because we did. That's where you are, still. Right?

Thomas looked away, but I could see something fill his eyes. Something between confusion, anger, regret, and this sadness. It's the weirdest bugging look. But, I've seen it before. In you. Right before we - _I_ - left you. You wanted to come. You wanted to come with us so. Bugging. Badly. Yet, you didn't. I know that now. That look will haunt me forever.

Thomas told me again. "I killed him." Anger flared up inside me. I'm not shuck sure at what.

I still didn't fully know what was happening. It was unreal. A bugging nightmare. A nightmare that I never though would come true. It seems like a lot of things I think aren't right anymore.

The anger kept building up inside of me. I thought I was going to explode. Then, it hit. Every shuck thing came together and made sense. You were dead. You _are _dead. Thomas bugging _killed _you!

I exploded. I wasn't thinking by that point. That's what happens when I explode.

I slammed my fist into Thomas's cheek. He stumbled back and I started yelling. You killed him! You killed him! I wanted so badly to punch him again and again. To make him hurt physically just as much as I hurt mentally. But, I realized that he did already. He'd been hurting mentally since before we got here. So I held myself back.

Thomas said that you made him. I yelled "Bull!" Thomas kept saying it and saying it. "He made me kill him!" Like a never-ending tape. It felt like forever, but was probably only a few seconds. Still, every time he bugging said it, I broke down more and more. I was filled with more and more anger.

He shuck _KILLED _you! You're gone because of him! DEAD!

All of these thoughts flooded me and it was too much to take in at once. My head pounded with the same beat as my shuck heart. It was getting harder to breath. I wanted to be alone. Somewhere I could be alone to freak out. I knew I had to. But I was bugging paralyzed, stuck in that one place.

Newt, I'm pretty sure all that happened in just a matter of seconds. It must have. I felt somebody grab my arm. One of the guys that had been helping gather fruit. I hadn't cared to know his name before now. He told me to come on, to leave Thomas. That's when I finally snapped out of my thoughts.

I broke out of his shuck grip and ran. I would say I ran almost as fast as I did when we were escaping the grievers, or running from cranks. But I know that's not true. I was scared for my life, then. This time, I'm scared for yours.

I ran until I was too exhausted to run anymore. Where I stopped is where I still am now. I'm not sure exactly where it is or how i got here. It's somewhere in the forest. I'll find my way back eventually. I learned how to do that back at the bugging Glade. Man, I miss that place. Why did we ever want to get out?

I'm still trying to really process all that's happened. Trying to decide how I feel about it. I know I'm angry. Man, I'm so angry. And sad. I guess I still had this stupid shuck hope that you would show up here one day. That hope's gone, now.

Then again, maybe this is better. Better for you dead then being with all the killer cranks. If this is really what you wanted, I hope you're happy. I hope it was for the better. I hope you're shuck better.

Still. You were supposed to be safe with us. We were supposed to be some of the few people who _wouldn't _try killing you the first chance we got. I'm not sure now.

Maybe you are in a better place. I wish I could know that for sure. But most wishes don't come true.

-Minho


	18. Letter 18

Newt,

Why am I writing this? You'll never read it. There's no way. I thought there might be a chance. But that was when I was still under the bugging impression that you were still alive. No more impressions, now.

Maybe there's actually a better chance that you'll get to read these now. Maybe you're watching me write this from "above." If you are, I'm sure I know what you're thinking.

"You're crazier than the bloody cranks, Minho! You're going all sad on me, now? I died for me, not for you! Slim up and bugging pull it together!" I can actually hear you saying it.

I don't know what the shuck I expected. You were going to die soon, anyway. Stupid, bugging flare. I guess this way is better, right? No pain, no psycho people. Just one of your best friends pointing a gun at your shuck brain. No big deal.

Thomas told me about everything that happened. I'm pissed. Not at him. Or at you. I'm more angry at the bugging world for throwing all this at us. I'm also kind of mad at myself. If I would've died and let the shuck WICKED people use my brain for a cure, maybe they could've saved you in time. Mayve. But I didn't and it's over now.

I'm glad you asked Thomas to do it. I never could've. No bugging way. I'm surprised Thomas even could.

This is what you wanted. You're better off this way and I know that, no. I just have to keep reminding myself that. It's what you wanted. You're gone and that portal isn't opening back up, but it's what you wanted. Just because of that, I will slim it nice and calm. We're all safe now. You, me, and Thomas. Just in different shuck places. We're okay.

Say hi to Chuck and Teresa for me. Alby, too. Make sure they know that the Gladers made it to Paradise.

I'll never forget you, Newt. Thanks for everything.

-Minho

This is the officially the last letter! I'm sorry it took a while. I hope you guys loved it! Thanks for all your positive comments. They mean a lot to me. I'll hopefully be starting a new story soon. If I do, please read it and recommend my account to your friends. Thanks again! :) :)


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